DOWNTIME

Been very not myself recently. Have neglected alot of people. But i hope you all understand how much i needed to be alone at this point of time in my life.

Ended 2014 in a bad note, and now starting 2015 in an equally awful note. As much as i want to be happy and joyful again, i really needed the time for myself and rest. 

Very thankful for all the msges received and have yet replied. I just needed time to heal. Please understand where im coming from :) 

 But then again, i appreciate all the care & concern.. of course the love too. ♥

#itstrue

“Nothing is fair. Life isn’t fucking fair. You’ll have ″friends″ that talk shit about you behind your back. You’ll care about somebody that isn’t interested in you in the slightest. You’ll get involved in your family problems. You’ll find a boy that you give everything to, and he’ll fuck you off weeks later. You’ll lose things, you’ll miss things. You’ll see somebody that you were so close to but they’ll blank you because they treat you like a stranger. You’ll worry about school, exams, etc. Some nights, you’ll cry yourself to sleep because life isn’t how you planned it to be. You’ll make up little cute scenarios in your head to make you feel better and then realise they won’t come true. You’ll get drunk and spill out your feelings, and then regret it the next morning. Arguments, yes, you’ll have plenty with them, mainly with the people you really care about. You’ll lose a relative and you’ll grieve, you’ll grieve so hard. You’ll experience so much fucking heartbreak because a boy will turn out everything you didn’t expect him to be. You’ll get ignored; you’ll maybe even get rejected. You’ll get nasty comments from jealous girls. Maybe one day, your week will be that bad, you’ll suggest running away. ..
But you won’t because you will have them true friends that have your back. You will meet a boy that will love you for who you are and what you do. Your family loves you, your friends love you. You’ll look through your camera photos and smile/laugh at all the memories and good times you’ve shared. You’ll break the rules and do something crazy but laugh at it next day because it was fun. You’ll make your lost/loved ones proud by trying your best in everything you do; they wouldn’t want to see you unhappy. Smile. One day, you won’t be able to sleep because your reality is so much better than your dreams. You’ll party/dance/sing so hard that you have no energy left. You have so much to look forward to, life has its downs, and at times it isn’t fair at all. Life will hurt you, it will test you. But remember you also have so much to smile and be happy about. Why spend your whole life down because something didn’t happen, or something went wrong? Just smile :)”

Quoted.

Sunflower, Me and some random thoughts (lol)

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” 

some pictures of myself with the sibeh pretty flowers from the boyf! hehehehee
been very long since i took so many photos of myself :P
so just LET ME BE..... heheheheh ! :>

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Just some random thought through the week.


"Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them."

Truth is, although i very much wana deny, it's a fact. I totally agree with this sentence. 

Have strighten out some thoughts. Some people that are meant to be 'not' friends just are not meant to be.

dont have to rush nor 'mian qiang' force it out to be. nothing will come out of it eventually. 

This is life. life that one make out to be. no matter what once in awhile, it's gona be pretty messed up and things just wont go your way. it's normal. Just got to remind yourself, everybody is going through it. everybody messes up. So keep your head high, keep the chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.

Be thankful for those who have stayed by your side all this while. And all the love you've received.

ALWAYS.

- REMINDER TO SELF-

Chinese New Year - Reunion

A reunion dinner (年夜飯) is held on New Year's Eve of the Chinese New Year, during which family members get together to celebrate. - source from wikipedia. 

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As we celebrate the reunion dinner tonight, im thankful that i still have my blood ties sitting tght and eating tght. And for this, yes im blessed. 
Every year's reunion, i go to my dad's side and then 守夜 at mom's side. it's a yearly routine for me aldy. and every year i look forward to this day since young, because we get to gather ard till v late at night, which also symbolizes "longevity" for the elderly. without fail, every year we will stay up as late as possible even thou we got to wake up super early the next day. despite growing up every year, we still do it.

But this year, things have changed. no doubt we will still stay up late, the things we do will remain, but sad to say some people changes. Its okay. to some, family ties are not important, all they think of is S11. And after the recent incident, i, maybe we have aldy seen their true colours. I may not blog it out publicly thou i have so much to say, so much to rant and how wronged i have felt. I never liked hanging my dirty linen in public. I dont see why i need to in anyway. But  i just felt like typing my feel after hearing what mom said ytd about "them".

Just a word - disgusting. 
I always believe in respect and also treasuring the times i get the spend with grandmalove. And if grandmalove feels the same way as i do. Im not wrong. I hate to be accused. but because you're my elder and i know what is respect (& more to im giving my mom face) i shall not make this matter big.

But im v thankful i still have my love ones backing me up, supporting me and believing in me. I can face my own conscious, im not guilty and this alone is enough for me. 
Just feeling upset why some people can be so disgusting, twisting facts, from black to white. If that makes you happier and less guilty conscious, by all means. because i believe in karma. and im sure you will have yours someday. 

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Nuff said about tt, it's the last day of the dragon year, and i look forward to a better snakie year~~ heheh! :> 
have an awesome, meaningful reunion everybardie~~ HUAT AH!!!!!!!!

FEBRUARY

HELLLOOOO FEBRUARY....
the month where im going to be broke. too many people's bday + vday . nuuuuu~~

Wednesday, had a tiring day at work. then went to FEP with melly to pamper our nails. hahaha!
finally got my cny nails ready~ i miss JB's nails palour & BKT. need to go back there after this month!

ANG ANG EH!~~~ my first red nails. LOL!
but it turned out pretty well~~ :D

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on thursday, parents picked me up, went for dinner and then homed. got ready and lied in bed thinking of leaving hse only at 11pm. until i received his 2nd sis text telling me that bf's flight will reach earlier than scheduled. JUMPED OUT OF BED LETERALLY. and rushed like siao. not cool sia. spoil my planned schedule and i hate it. tsks!

met cw at the airport. and i didnt know the mrt links to t2 & t3 leh :O sua ku or wad sia. just realised it tt day. LOL!

happy la sia. LOL!!

reached the airport and still got to wait cause my bf was a slowpoke. but forgiven because he bought me another perfume. awww so much love one!

ENCHANTED WONDERSTRUCK. heheheheh !!! ♥ ♥ ♥
love youuuu bby! ~~~
went back home at ard 12 plus. hehehe so good to be back in  his arms. hehe!!

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on leave on friday. surprised bby with ahboystomen2 tickets. well the surprised wasnt exactly a surprise but it was meant to be a surprise. ahh oh well. hahahha!!

hehehehe. our ticket stubs are always 13.14. LOL! im crazy like that.
not a bad show lah. cause its funnnnyyyy!!  hehehehe.

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Saturday is dinner with the family and some room cleaning.
had seng kee! yums crabs!!! love it.

FIRST PART ONLY~~~ hahaha

lai! tar with me. hahahah! weirdest dog ever. LOL! but sooooo adorable. check out her face. teehee!

GOOD DAY. 

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mom showed me the text she received and all of us got into a range. esp the cousins. 

ridiculous max. so ashamed to have connection and be associated with someone like that. pui!

i hope you see it on fb :) and yes go on telling your tales. so old yet so childish, ask your puppy to defend you. for being selfish and self centered. everybody knows your pattern. dont need to tell tales la uh.dont add on your own words to score your own points. it's useless, only ppl like yourself believe you only. 

it just shows how well youre being brought up really. SO WHAT IF YOU'RE WELL OFF & HIGHLY EDUCATED? character wise. NONE. shame on you.

& i really hope you hide well at home, because it's raining and beware of the lightning, it may strike you for talking too much shiattt. 

disgusted.

Fragility of life

Just saw facebook and got to know of this secondary school friend passed away in a bike accident.
It's so sudden. So depressing reading things like this on fb. i really dont like it.
i feel so uneasy the whole day. Yes it's yet another bike accident. :(

I hope withnesses comes up and help his family with this. and esp his girlf.
Super poor thing pls. everytime i read her post i feel like tearing.
im just feeling like 5% of her pain. i cannot imagine her pain. its 100x more man. :(
reallllllly depressing. sigh.

RIP school mate.


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then i met the bff v impromptu-ly @ my place.
heard alot of stories of his TP life. as usual it makes me feel so uneasy.
it's like almost every 2 days somebody will die on the road. its so so so so scary.
makes me wana stay at home forever. which is impossible lah i know.
sigh!


i dont know how to pen how and what im feeling down into words.
but i really hope everyone i love will stay safe & sound.
love em too much for anything to happen to them :(
hate this heart-wrenching thing... urgh! why cant we not have any feelings. damn it.

Favourite.

Hold on, little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up, little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on, baby, come on over
Let me be the one to show you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you'll feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues 
Just to be the next to be with you

Build up your confidence 
So you can be on top for once
Wake up. Who cares about little boys 
That talk too much?
I've seen it all go down
The game of love was all rained out
Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you'll feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues 
Just to be the next to be with you

Why be alone when we can be together, baby?
You can make my life worth while
I can make you start to smile
When it's through, it's through
And fate will twist the both of you
Let me be the one to show you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you'll feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues 
Just to be the next to be with you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Let me be the one to show you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you'll feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues 
Just to be the next to be with you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Let me be the one to show you

+++

Got very sudden urge to listen to old songs + my x-japan.
i remember those times when i started listening to x-japan because of someone.
but then jiu er jiu zhi, the lyrics got me so captivated. it's so meaningful.
and no im not thinking about that someone. im listening to it just for the lyrics.
on emo days, you hear more and get more emo. HAHA!

forever love, silent jealousy, tears and endless rain. i remember.
for a heartbroken person, theses songs didnt make me feel any better, but i could totally relate to every word in the lyrics.

today im feeling old school. i just wanted to listen to old songs.
like the one above. so nice so nice.
and if you're wondering if it's about my boyf, about any heartbreaks or or any other reason/person, nope its not .

IM GOOD, ALL GOOD, just feel like listening to old songs, churn out the old vibes and reminisce the ol'dayz. haha!

Cheerzzxz yo! xx

while waiting to end work,

Its's 初九already today. how time flies hur, last week it was only 初二 and i was eating like a pig the whole day. ahhaahhahaha!! but thou its still the CNY, but looks like the feel is not there anymore, until like the last day? will be having 2 more dinners this weekend!!

FOOD FOOD FOOOOOOOOOD!!!! :)
and this keeps me happy. haha!

on, 初二 LAST WEEK!!!

super like this photo!!! ♥

went to irritate truff. hahahaha! 

the so damn cute baby. 

and she's a big baby now!!! hahaha 长大了。。。haha! 

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anw.. my life so far, i have been really surprisingly independent recently. ever since i got together with my boyf, i got less and less independent and grew more dependent on him. like everything i do i have to have him with me to do it together. boo.
but ever since he got enlisited, i got no choice but to do everything by myself, and i think im considered quite successful !!! plus the fact that i like driving alone. makes everything better. haha!
and ytd i went to the doctor's by myself. !!! something that i would nvr see myself do so in the past because i hated doctors. but its not like i would wana go there, didnt have a choice because i needed a MC. yea wad else right haha!

and while on MC ytd, i met up with my dearest huhu whom i have not seen like in the longest time ever.
v random, asked her the day before and we settled to meet like immediately. LIKKKKEEE!!

had lunch @ xin wang.

 we always had to do this.... the slanted mouth thingy!

almost looking the same! HAHAHAHA. and she always #fail . dosent even look slanted. hahaha.
what a day. :)

and i kinda like this alone thing sometimes. i dont have to get annoyed and irritated by redundant stuffs.
which also means.... I CAN SURVIVE W/O THE BOYF! yey to that.
so.... say hello to the like-to-be-alone girl~ :)

xx

its when shit happens, then you'll know who your angels are.

life isnt treating me nor my love ones well these 2 months. so much is happening. im exhausted. i dont know how much more i have got to take before i see the rainbow again. but im hoping soon please.

praying real hard everything will go back to normal by the end of this week. thats where my bbyboy will come back to me again. will not be able to contact him AT ALL this whole week. suck ballz srsly. why why why must you keep snatching my boyf away from me. its not funny at all :(

very thankful for all my angels around. my wonderful family and awesome cousins. love y'all so much. im gona stay strong and fight this shit. you're going down down down losers. :)

we are all blessed. ♥
at hard times, only the true one remains. and im thankful for that.

The best way to appreciate something, is to be without it for awhile..

i hope its tmr already after i blink.. ฉันไม่สามารถรอสำหรับวันพรุ่งนี้!!!!!!

im getting so so so impatient already i swear. its like taking forever already, and at the last day time is moving slower. gosh D:
I.CANT.WAIT.ANY.LONGER!!!!!!!!

thinking back, i really actually dont know how i have survived this 17days. what a torture, nvr wanting to go thru this shit ever again. but i know there are worst to come. at least i could talk to you without fail everyday. but .... ah i dont wana think anymore. be contented and wait for tmr tmr tmr!!!!!!!

so hard to describe how im feeling now really. nvr ever have we been seperated for thisssss long! record breaking already. haha! imysm. i hope tmr passes quickly also.
anybody feeling me? haha or am i the only being so fucking affected? and also being so fucking anticipated for this day to come? fuck man really.

20 days ago.. O.O

I NEED A BIG FAT WARM HUG THE FIRST THING I SEE YOU TMR. and then i will rub your head. hahaha!!! 


♥ TIME START FLYING.

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@4.35pm,
was reading through our past facebook wall posts. haha! so hilarious. laughing to myself in office,
some to share...

HAHAHA. so funny one.
was about to text the boyf and received his text immediately.
what telepathy. h3h3h3. happyyyy~ its getting nearer :D

i feel horrible

Just let me feel horrible after pretending that im actually all fine, when im seriously not at all. for just one day. and i can no longer take this emptiness. but i need to. i can and i must. i need to feel my boy, i need a big hug :(

i dont usually post sad stuff online publicly, regardless of what website that i have. mainly because i don’t want to show others my vulnerable side and my weaknesses, especially not to people who don’t genuinely care. which actually conflicts with me wanting people to know how i actually feel at this point of time.

its actually not that im very clingy nor that i cant live without my boyf. all these years he was with me all the time, not one day of our 5 yrs relationship have we not spoken for one day. you cant blame me for feeling shitty at all. you have to feel me really.

Its was after lunch that this feelings striked me, and left me feeling really really awful. usually i will get whatsapp textes and facebook chats telling me im back from lunch & all, but today its all quiet. no good morning honey textes. no constant texting. no facebook chat pop ups. no sound from my love at all.

its sucha weird feeling im having now, that im really not able to put it into words, im trying, really trying real hard to be normal, i keep telling myself i will be, i have to be. i will be strong just for him, i will be stronger just for us. but deep down im dying inside, longing for the normality of things, for things to really go back to where they should be. but how much i know it will never happen, at least in this 2 years. 

i never thot i would have felt so strongly about this before. that i cried the night before heading to bed, the moment i woke up beside bby ytd, all the way home in the cab, lying on my own bed, sleeping and waking up crying again. its that bad for me. my eyes nvr felt so tired, dry and swollen besides that faithful aug day. i can no longer control, the tears just stream down like nobody's business. it sucks really.

and this is one of the rare times where i’ll admit it - i feel very empty and alone. despite being surrounded by family and friends, despite me laughing and acting all normal, ultimately I still feel lonely and v much empty. 

life isnt and never will be the same without you by my side. but then again baby, for you im willing to endure this shit. i will be fine. for this is only the starting, yes i know. i hope things will eventually get better. (i hope) time please fly. for now, i will continue fighting with that stupid boyfriend stealer for your time and attention. this sucks ok, you were suppose to belong only to me, and mine all along. pfftz.

i miss you so much babyboy. how i look forward to every night's call. because just by hearing your voice thou i cant get to see you makes me feel so much better. really. i love you sweetheart. hang in there. just had a good 30 min talk with bby. hehee! ♥ ok gona head to bed early so it'll be a brand new day again!

Goodnight.

一年前。。。

time flies.

one year ago. it was the most memorable day in my life. and so fast, one year later-now.
it seems like it was just ytd that everything happened.
i missed it so much, besides the drunked part. lol

and yes if you dont already know what im talking about, its my 21st party (which i was suppose to blog but was later found guilty of being lazy) HAHAHAHAHA!!! k rolleyes :P

blurred, but i really like this picture. so naiseeeeee. :D


really miss the party!!! hahaa.
well, look forward, i cant wait for this weekend!!!!

and i can predict this week would be good (i hope)

Monday - beebee.
Tuesday - Jackie Chan
Wednesday - unplanned yettttt
Thursday - cousins
Friday - partehhhh ^-^
Saturday - partehhhh with my all my loves and babies!!!

CAAANT WAIIITTTT !!!!! 

Random post.

我就是我。我不温柔,我脾气不好,我容易吃醋,我容易心痛,我容易胡思乱想,我很任性,我生气时不想说话,我开心了会一直傻笑,我受委屈会放在心里,我在乎了就想被你知道,我喜欢在伤心的时候听伤心的歌,我喜欢在开心的时候和在乎的人分享。--我就是我，如果受不了，就别走进我的世界。

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Been seeing some news. Bad ones. The same old feeling comes back again. Super hate this feeling because it will take really a long while to go off. And it sucks. Sigh.

Life is getting scary as time goes by. Truth to be told, I'm actually quite sick of changes. Super hate it. But then again wad? Still got to accept.

Fucked up much. Hate all this nonsense. Klahbye.

another reminiscent

i like talking about the past...
especially listening to other ppl's past, makes it so much interesting.
am talking to zt and he started telling me about their sec sch times, and also the funny incidents that happened.
bby's sec school life like so happening.
ok no doubt mine too. but hard to explain uh.

the funniest thing is always xyz.
everytime somebody tells me about it. i cfm LOL.
and actually everybody understands my pov. not bad not bad!
LIKE LIKE LIKE.
still a joke to me. heheheheee

time flies.
i miss so much things.
i miss 2006.
i miss the void deck times, the screenings, the slackings.
i miss our thailand days.

just one thing,
i hate changes.

brand new month

i know i have not been blogging so frequently.
i have been so busy with work and by the time im home i just flop on bed.
or either that im busy out with bby or friends.

1st of June, marks my three hundred and sixty five days.
time flies. abit too fast?

June also marks, 5months left.

June also marks fifty-nine.

June has no public holidays :(

June is another month to July !!!

I wish i wish time passes a little slower. so tiring fighting against time nowadays.
slow down already. :(

full of thoughts

So today met up with bby and we had late lunch/early dinner. And then headed to get tickets for movie - home - ktph

And while walking to the bike after visiting, we saw this whole family crying as they walked pass us, I'm sure someone closed to them had an accident or smt. Its really a saddening sight, first was a woman, she was so weak that had to be supported by two other guys. And also followed by all the other family members at the back all of them are crying. Even the men. And this grandpa in wheelchair was in tears too. You know this is such a rare sight and of course not the best sight at all.

It strikes me how fragile life is afterall. People just leave that suddenly. Even without warning. Yes nothing at all. That's the worst feeling one has got to face srsly. It was a damn heart wrenching sight.

Yes i understand the pain of losing. I felt the pain of losing. It is never good. You know how I really Wana pen down how I'm feeling now but I have no words to use to describe it. It sucks.

Death is basically just a stone throw away from the life we live in now.
ytd, at ttsh, 2 of the patient were at their brink of death. It's like the whole team of doctor and nurses in the room. Family were called in and all. Because they are leaving anytime.
And coincidentally one of them is daddy's friend's bro-in-law. The doctors only gave him 48 hours to pull through. And if he was not responding that's it. Yes that's it. And there goes a life. Look how fragile it is :(
The other one was because his lungs collapse. Pretty amazing how the parts in our body can just take away our life just by collapsing.

This few weeks I have been encountering different people with different illness, fate, life. It's scary very scary to me. I really hate all this life and death thing. Even if the person isn't at all related to me, I feel the pain. Even for the families. I tried putting it in my shoes, the hurt multiplys.
You see how much I hate changes and how afraid I am of losing people I love?

And yes I love my family. ALOT. never been more thankful for each and everyone. Esp my grandmalove and parents. I don't Wana lose anybody srsly. :(

You know what? Sometimes I do think that humans should nvr have feelings, if we don't we won't feel any pain. We won't feel a shit. It might be awesome in some extend. 'some'.


Ok I know it's too wordy to read. You can choose not to read. (:
And Bby and I caught roommate just now. Not too bad a show. And I was surprised leighton was acting it in! Psychopathic shit. Hahahahaaa

Oh well okay I shall end here else I will keep typing and it will nvr end at all. Xx.

i dont wana grow up

if growing up means losing people i love, i rather not grow up.
although its pretty unrealistic and it will never happen, but i wish time would stop somehow.
or somebody just invent a time machine.
i wana go back to the time where everything was complete.
i dont wana grow up and start losing people. it sucks so much.

i wont ask for much, bring me back to 2006. and let me stay there forever.
im more than contented living in that year.
pretty please?

part and parcel of life

yea, i thought so too (:
yes michelle, you cant do every single thing to please every single one. because you aint a superwoman afterall.
as long as you've done your best like what bby had said.

yes i know yes i know~
be it with my friends or even at work.

friends,
just because we do not take your side dosent mean that we are not gona be there for you.
help the fact and not the person. i believe its pretty understandable. yea i know easy to say only.
but sometimes, own actions got to be reflected as on why everybody is not siding you rationally.
nuff said, i feel that i have said enough but the listener insist of rejected whatever is being said, i cant do much either isnt it. nuff said.

work,
and as usual was being helpful to help out with the payrolls, instead of showing the least bit of being appreciative, instead i got kp-ed at. and whats more the person that did it was not even me. wow.
indeed a joke. if "cannot cope" is all that you are worthy of saying then i suggest you just look for a job that is slow paced as possible and you can slowly cope all you want. if you intend to take up more workload den dont the eff start to complain and all. and if someone is even helpful enough to help you. show that appreciative-ness and not fucking shout/raise your voice at me.

1) not borned to let you shout/raised your voice at
2) not borned to help you with anything
3) not borned to owe you anything
4) not your fucking dog
5) who the eff are you to even talk to me like this.


S.I.G.H, but at least its just one. the rest are nice enough.
another reason to smile!!!!
hehehehehe. and at least im still being cold and cracking jokes althoughhhhh i was so pisseeedddd off just now. pfft.
k lah bye! gona go finish checking the payrolls and off to meet my pumpkin.
(K) xoxo